[ This is a letter that I wrote to a close friend of mine. She asked me to write something and this is what I came up with, this was the draft, which was later edited to actually make it look like an actual letter. ]
Sometimes I just think, I mean I think always, but sometimes, I just sit and think. So lemme take you on a journey now....
What do you think is the purpose of one's life ? We come into this world, without our choice and (in most cases ) get out of this world, without our choice too, so why the hell do we have the choice in between birth and death? We do not have the choice to decide who our parents are and the choice bout what happens after ones death, but why do we have the choice to choose who our best friends and our spouses are ? Did you ever wonder about that ? Yes the very choice which I have been yearning for all my life, the very independence that I always wanted and now that I have it, I question it and question the very authority that has given me, what I wanted back then. Does it mean I am crazy or does it mean I just changed ? Well, I am not sure about that but one thing I am pretty sure is that "I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same either".
I come from the school of thought, which preaches that whatever happens in life happens for a reason, as it is just just following the already set path or direction set by someone on a higher level than us, about which we are not worthy enough to talk about. I say that not because I am spiritual, but as they say in computer programming, we need to go to a "Meta-Language" level to talk about that and we are not there yet, so we should not talk about it. I am not sure if we will ever be there too, because as they say in computer networking, a layer (or human being) belonging to a particular level is not even supposed to know about the existence of another layer/ level above (below) , forget about getting there. Data abstraction and encapsulation. So as you can see, this is a clear case of "looping" or "eternal Paradox" or a "vicious Circle".
So coming back to the point that everything is following a set path, me writing this article, talking to someone yesterday, you reading it now, is all happening for a reason. So mad or not, that is not either your mistake or mine, we are just following directions/orders.
This is a good time for me to tell you that, I do not (for the above reasons) believe in destiny/luck/fate. Think of the computer programs you write in C/Java ,etc , what if they start thinking (yes you heard right), "why the hell did he/she assign me this job of a pointer, I would have loved being a data structure, ah My bad fate!" ( my programming knowledge is limited if you have not yet figured out). This is what I am reminded of whenever I hear anyone say " Ah! My bad luck " ....
Let's see an example as to why our lives have been programmed and why there is no place for destiny. On a personal level, this year 2008, I have forgotten a few close friends birthdays ( generally doesn't happen). It wasn't a conscious effort and as I said guess it happens for a reason, maybe as they say it " history was just being repeated ", or " It all evens out at the end", or " It is the unique style/flair of the programmer who has written the stories of our lives", as over the years many of these people did forget my birthday. I did invest so much of my time on their birthdays to make each one a special one, but none of those supposedly good friends made mine a special one. I know for sure this is no business which had to be returned back ,but at the end of the day the result is what counts right, isn't that what this world has taught us ? So it all evens out at the end, the law of averages. So there is no point in cribbing about destiny. As no single person (program) will always be happy or always be sad. It all spaces out, thus giving no meaning to the word destiny.
Do you also ever wonder why the world is such a paradoxical place ? The very people who raised you, who grew up with you, the people with whom you spent the best days of your life, just get away from you or vice versa !! Do you wonder is this quest for "greener pastures" and career and independence much higher than spending your life with your loved ones. At the end of the day, when you are on your death bed, what is it that would pinch you more- not earning a million dollars or spending the best part of your life away from the loved ones ? Why does life always keep taking us away from the people who we love and are comfortable with ? Why does it then again bring us to new people and again let us fall in the same cycle of getting away ?
We go to school, then to college, then to university, and then crazy people like me decide to go to more and more universities and add more and more degrees and then finally get a job. Phew ! is it the end now ? Not yet, they say that's the beginning. Yup now you work from 8 to 6, get married, have kids and again the cycle starts out again for your kids and their kids and their kids and...... Of course take care of your parents too, but hey do we have the time to do that then ? Well like usual the answer is no. You never had the time for your loved ones when you went to school/college because you had to compete hard in this rat-race right ? You never had the time for your loved ones when you went to University, because you were in a different world (location) altogether. You never had the time when you got the job either, because you are too busy earning money for your family, so where is the time ? where is the time to spend with your loved ones, I agree you are working like a mad dog, for your family, but where is time to spend with them, is what I Ask ? Where ?
People are just consumed in this rat race, it is like programs blindly executing line-by-line, never stopping to think about why they are executing each line, one after another. Where is the time to spend with family anymore ? For programs, what does a family mean ? The ones which share the same class or parameters ( ala last names, blood for human beings) ? This is the 'Matrix' life.............. I feel the concepts portrayed in the Matrix trilogy are so true, makes a lot of sense now.
Then the more intelligent people say, you should find time to do all that, while you are working/studying, etc. To which I just smile and ........realize do I belong here? Do I belong on this Earth, inhabited by creatures who do not think like me ? If I do not belong here, where do I belong then ? lol....Never ending quest for what.... answers ?? Why ? Maybe because I am an erroneous program or a program just trying to spoil the other programs, like a virus ? A program which has gone out of bounds ? or whatever you programmers actually call me....
Anyways, one should always have patience in life. I never had it much before in life. I get restless now too, but everything just goes on , on its own pace and now that I look back at it, I realize, I should have had patience instead of just being restless. I do not give up, that's the good thing, like I have an option anyway, even if i wanted to give up.
So now that I have seen both the worlds, lemme tell you patience is the key to everything in life. Never lose hope, because if not today, tomorrow is your day ( or maybe the day after or the .... ), so you should always live to see that day and in your right spirit.
And maybe then someday will come, when my answers will be answered , I guess or that day, when my program will just be terminated. I have to wait till that day, like I have a choice anyway, if I wanted to quit. I will just keep going on until, I am supposed to go ....
I am not sure why I am talking about all this, these are just few of the random thoughts in my head. well.....so did you figure out the purpose of your life yet ? Let me open another part of my brain to y......
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